her voice

March 24th, 2011 | Mom | reflections

Every Tuesday morning, as long as everyone is healthy, we load up the car and head to Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). It has been an amazing time for me to be filled and to really know the Bible better. This year Raven is in her class and is learning so much. One of her favorite songs is:

“Good morning, God. This is your day. I am your child. Show me your way.”

She taught me this song, and I love it. I love how she is already teaching me more about what my relationship with God could be…and should be.

The group that I go to is all women, women ages 20 something to 70 or 80 something? Its a wide age range and I love it. We go to a young church and don’t see many grandmas or great-grandmas. There is so much to learn from older women that I often just don’t think about. As you may have guessed by now Bible study is very much on the formal side…which is pretty much the opposite of my church. At church we have bands with guitars and drums and newly written songs. At Bible study we have time constraints, participation rules…and hymns. I really do love the hymns. The way they sound. The memories that they raise up from deep within me…standing in the pew as a little girl trying to follow along with the harmonies as my mom dragged her fingernail across the page so I didn’t lose my place. As I get older I am now paying attention to the words more. They are actually pretty moving, and I’m surprised that it has taken myself this long to realize this. Praising God for His patience with me. :) Sometimes I just stand there and listen. It just gives me chills to hear a sanctuary full of women of all ages singing praises together and putting all differences aside. We literally can’t talk about where we go to church…there are things we must leave at the door…and I actually like it.

This past week we sang “When I Survey The Wonderful Cross” (listen here).

This is a classic. Its never really had any special meaning to me before, but I decided to just take a moment and listen. …and then I heard her. I heard Mom harmonizing in the song. I mean, I’m sure it was just the other women in the group singing her part, but I heard her. Or the memory of her. I’ve heard her voice a bit since she went to heaven…but every time I hear her, I get chills. I just know she is singing praises in heaven. I am embracing this brief moment in life where I feel close to her…where I still know her, and her voice. Its good to be living in the grace of our Heavenly Father!